Identity Crisis: The Problem With Being “American”

As those who are close to me would tell you, I have a large fascination with my family history. I love to find out new things about where my family came from, and each little bit shines a little more light on the picture that I’m trying to look at. It took me a while to realize, though, that I wasn’t trying to look at a family portrait in going about my search. I was trying to look at a self portrait.

The more I thought about it, the deeper I dug myself into an identity crisis. Coupled with my quarter-life crisis, I was in a big heap of crises. I struggled mightily to find out who I was, and I didn’t really come up with an answer. What I did come up with was more along the lines of the root to a bigger problem.

All in all, America is nothing more than an ideal. It is a set of philosophies that bound everyone together that came here. Chief among those is the notion of rugged individualism which, in of itself, is a stark contrast and near polar opposite of a common ideal. We all share a common ideal as a group, but being individualistic is to not be put into a group in the first place. It’s like “agreeing to disagree.”

Contradictions aside, since America is an ideal, it is not a culture or a true nationality. It is obtainable by anyone. Since it is obtainable by anyone, that is exactly why, after all these years, we are still bombarded with “hyphenated Americans.” The reason for that is actually quite simple due to the fact that the adjective “American” is not mutually exclusive from any other nationality. It’s different than someone who is, say, Russian. A Russian has a unique history, heritage, customs, traditions, etc. However, if that same Russian moves to the Untied States, he can be an American without losing anything that makes him a Russian. He can hold the American ideals and retain his Russian identity. However, try as he may, an American “mutt” can never truly be a Russian. The closest he can get is in the strict legal sense by gaining citizenship, but he’ll still forever be a tourist at heart in a foreign land.

These thoughts all brought me to the reality that I need to dig deeper and find the foundation of my identity, and the first thing that popped into my head was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Except I’m not looking for needs. I’m looking for identity. So, putting my clever brain into action, I came up with my own hierarchy of identity. I have dubbed it…

SMITH’S HIERARCHY OF IDENTITY!!!

Clever, huh? I need to copyright that thing. Exclamation points and all.

Anyway, I tried to think of it in a top down approach by thinking of the ultimate goal of identity. I kind of borrowed from Maslow on that front for the tip of my hierarchy, but don’t tell him, ok? From there, I asked the question “If this was taken away, what would you have left?” to which the answer would be “At least I know ____.” This is what I came up with, from top to bottom:

1.) Self-actualization

2.) Personal Fulfillment

3.) Family

4.) Heritage

5.) Sex/Gender

6.) Human being

Probably not ground breaking, but it made sense when I broke it out that way. To reach the top, you need to have a firm grasp on your personality, beliefs, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and so forth. However, if you take that away (or if you are struggling to find those things out), you can say “Well, at least I know I’m a member of my family.” That is the start of the foundational levels of identity. If your family identity is taken away, you can rely on your heritage to help ground yourself as a person. However, stripping that away you’re really left with your most basic, fundamental element, which is your sex and your basic biological distinction of identifying as a human being.

Growing up in America and being a true American “mutt” has really stopped us at number 5. We have no cultural or true national identity. All that we have is a joint heritage of distant relatives coming to this place holding that contradictory idea of individualism. Without a true sense of identity through heritage, we can’t put our family meaning into greater context. There are no true traditions and they are not rooted in anything other than what a family has made up for itself. If you have strong traditions, they are most likely rooted in another culture or place and someone in your family is probably old enough or close enough to remember them, whether one kept with the tradition or broke from it. We are, therefore, forced to create our own identity.

And therein lies the problem: creating oneself. It is inherently American, and inherently meaningless. People came to this country to form their own identity through individualism. However, how can someone construct anything without a foundation or knowledge of how to make a foundation? It’s an endless, destructive circular logic. Can’t find yourself? Go to your foundation and build on it. What’s your foundation? Whatever you want it to be. It’s like trying to write a definition to a word using a language that doesn’t exist.

This is the reason why Americans fight so hard about ideas. Since being an American is nothing but an idea, if you tamper with it or take it away you are taking away their foundational identity. A Russian living under Soviet rule or Democratic rule is still a Russian. An American that has their vision of America stripped away is nothing. So, we, as a people, have very little to cling to at our foundation (and even something as simple as sex and gender is complicated).

So, here I sit without any answers and just further complication. Through my studies, I do know a little about my family history, like how my great-grandparents came here from Ukraine. I even found a Ukrainian Catholic Church nearby that I would like to attend and learn more about my heritage. But, try as I may, all I can do is sit back and envy. No matter how hard I try, I’ll always be a tourist there.

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